Not everything in life is a competition.

Upon the news of the ex-bf of yesteryear getting married to an ex-best friend of mine, I received a text from a good friend I haven't seen in ages saying, "dude, we're really the last."

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

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Weekends in Singapore are made up of pretty much, weddings. Spending a full hour looking through the closet of Hari Raya outfit that I only wear during, well, Hari Raya, and another hour ironing it and yet another hour trying to look pretty for God knows what reason.

Here are some photos I have to put here because you dress up so nicely and doll up it seems like a waste of time if you don't put your photo up somewhere. Lol.


cuz taking a selfie/wefie is mandatory during weddings

I'm not asking you to please not invite me to your weddings too. In fact, I love weddings. I love to see my friends and cousins tying the knot, even if my mum manage to drag me out of the house to attend a wedding of a friend's daughter's brother in law's second cousin, I'd be there for them if they need me to and if my time allows me to (and may they forgive me if I am not there because trainings and competitions take precedence and I hope they understand that). 

(I also love weddings cuz it gives me a chance to prove to my mum that I'll wear that $300 tailor-made more than once.)

I love attending weddings because it is a celebration of love (and courage, as how some may put it) and it is a happy occasion and watching happy faces make you happy and who doesn't want to be happy? Attending weddings also put ideas in your head of how you want your wedding to be. Of course I do have an idea of how my wedding is gonna be like- as tough as I think I am, I'm still a Princess, and I must have the perfect wedding with a perfect wedding dress and everyone has to dress up like elves. (I pretty much have everything planned, but not the groom). Lol.

But the weekly weddings that I attend, to me, serve as a weekly reminder that I'm getting a week older and the question that is always ringing in my head, "should I be worried that im not married?"

Or more like, "should I be worried that im not worried that im not married?"

Weekend after weekend my list of single friends gets smaller and smaller. But it doesn't bother me (or does it?). I'm more worried about whether I'll be able to reach my target for the half marathon next month, whether I will be able to make weight for the next competition. It worries the hell out of me if my wrist doesn't get any better and the coach says no I can't row for xx more days and I'll be a miserable person for xx days. I can't even live my life to the fullest with each day that passes by without being able to row. But today's not about rowing (and I really should stop whining about it, grar.)

There is no time or space in my head to think about marriage. God, no.

I'm fortunate to have a mum who isn't pressuring me to get married. In fact, when I told her that my ex is getting married, she said, "It's okay." It was an awfully awkward "It's okay" but the conversation ended there, thankfully. But im so glad she isn't that type who wants to give me away as soon as she can. Phew.

I am also so, so grateful that my relatives have stopped asking me when is it my turn to sit on the wedding dais and instead question me on when's my next competition. Do you know how pleased I am to know that the majority of the people I know have learnt to accept that my dreams mean more than anything else in the world? 

But you know what worries me more than being nowhere near getting married?

Knowing that my friends (of the yaya sisterhood of singlehood) find solace in me when they discover that their FB time line is flooded with wedding photos, or even scarier, photos of our friends with big bumps on their tummies. It's like, hey, Aisyah's chasing to put a medal around her neck instead of a ring around her finger. She's pregnant with hopes and dreams and not a baby. She's saving up for the Olympic dreams and not her wedding or children's education. SO IT'S LIKE IT'S OKAY IF WE'RE NOT MARRIED, NOT PREGNANT OR NOT HAVING KIDS CUZ AISYAH ISN'T ANYWAY!

It's like I'm the yardstick.
The role model for all those women out there who are just not ready for the big m word yet.

I have absolutely nothing against marriage. I just think that you should get married for the right reasons and only when you're ready. Dont get married because your peers are married, because your parents tell you to get married, and certainly because you love the thought of looking pretty on the dais on your wedding day. And there is absolutely nothing to fear or be embarrassed about if you're the last to get hitched. A wise friend once said, marriage is not a race. The one who gets married first doesn't make him a winner in any way. WORD.

But then again, who am I to talk about marriages? 

Let's talk about ending 2015 on a good note. If 2014 hasn't been a great year for you (I feel you, bro), I'm on a mission to make the best of what's left in 2014 and so should you. I've been running distances I never have imagined myself to cover- all in the name of a half-marathon I gladly signed up for. I've been sitting on the bike almost every other day to make up for the times I'm losing out of the boat and I'm even buying my own road bike (considering the fact that I have a phobia of cycling on the road). If I can't make one thing happen, I'm pretty sure there are other things I can make happen.

I do feel like a little part of me dies everyday I'm not allowed to row but it has reached the point where I just have to stop being sad and start being awesome. There's absolutely no time for us to continue to mope around about something we can't change. Gotta start living, man.

199 days to SEA GAMES 2015.

xx