Not everything in life is a competition.

Upon the news of the ex-bf of yesteryear getting married to an ex-best friend of mine, I received a text from a good friend I haven't seen in ages saying, "dude, we're really the last."

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

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Weekends in Singapore are made up of pretty much, weddings. Spending a full hour looking through the closet of Hari Raya outfit that I only wear during, well, Hari Raya, and another hour ironing it and yet another hour trying to look pretty for God knows what reason.

Here are some photos I have to put here because you dress up so nicely and doll up it seems like a waste of time if you don't put your photo up somewhere. Lol.


cuz taking a selfie/wefie is mandatory during weddings

I'm not asking you to please not invite me to your weddings too. In fact, I love weddings. I love to see my friends and cousins tying the knot, even if my mum manage to drag me out of the house to attend a wedding of a friend's daughter's brother in law's second cousin, I'd be there for them if they need me to and if my time allows me to (and may they forgive me if I am not there because trainings and competitions take precedence and I hope they understand that). 

(I also love weddings cuz it gives me a chance to prove to my mum that I'll wear that $300 tailor-made more than once.)

I love attending weddings because it is a celebration of love (and courage, as how some may put it) and it is a happy occasion and watching happy faces make you happy and who doesn't want to be happy? Attending weddings also put ideas in your head of how you want your wedding to be. Of course I do have an idea of how my wedding is gonna be like- as tough as I think I am, I'm still a Princess, and I must have the perfect wedding with a perfect wedding dress and everyone has to dress up like elves. (I pretty much have everything planned, but not the groom). Lol.

But the weekly weddings that I attend, to me, serve as a weekly reminder that I'm getting a week older and the question that is always ringing in my head, "should I be worried that im not married?"

Or more like, "should I be worried that im not worried that im not married?"

Weekend after weekend my list of single friends gets smaller and smaller. But it doesn't bother me (or does it?). I'm more worried about whether I'll be able to reach my target for the half marathon next month, whether I will be able to make weight for the next competition. It worries the hell out of me if my wrist doesn't get any better and the coach says no I can't row for xx more days and I'll be a miserable person for xx days. I can't even live my life to the fullest with each day that passes by without being able to row. But today's not about rowing (and I really should stop whining about it, grar.)

There is no time or space in my head to think about marriage. God, no.

I'm fortunate to have a mum who isn't pressuring me to get married. In fact, when I told her that my ex is getting married, she said, "It's okay." It was an awfully awkward "It's okay" but the conversation ended there, thankfully. But im so glad she isn't that type who wants to give me away as soon as she can. Phew.

I am also so, so grateful that my relatives have stopped asking me when is it my turn to sit on the wedding dais and instead question me on when's my next competition. Do you know how pleased I am to know that the majority of the people I know have learnt to accept that my dreams mean more than anything else in the world? 

But you know what worries me more than being nowhere near getting married?

Knowing that my friends (of the yaya sisterhood of singlehood) find solace in me when they discover that their FB time line is flooded with wedding photos, or even scarier, photos of our friends with big bumps on their tummies. It's like, hey, Aisyah's chasing to put a medal around her neck instead of a ring around her finger. She's pregnant with hopes and dreams and not a baby. She's saving up for the Olympic dreams and not her wedding or children's education. SO IT'S LIKE IT'S OKAY IF WE'RE NOT MARRIED, NOT PREGNANT OR NOT HAVING KIDS CUZ AISYAH ISN'T ANYWAY!

It's like I'm the yardstick.
The role model for all those women out there who are just not ready for the big m word yet.

I have absolutely nothing against marriage. I just think that you should get married for the right reasons and only when you're ready. Dont get married because your peers are married, because your parents tell you to get married, and certainly because you love the thought of looking pretty on the dais on your wedding day. And there is absolutely nothing to fear or be embarrassed about if you're the last to get hitched. A wise friend once said, marriage is not a race. The one who gets married first doesn't make him a winner in any way. WORD.

But then again, who am I to talk about marriages? 

Let's talk about ending 2015 on a good note. If 2014 hasn't been a great year for you (I feel you, bro), I'm on a mission to make the best of what's left in 2014 and so should you. I've been running distances I never have imagined myself to cover- all in the name of a half-marathon I gladly signed up for. I've been sitting on the bike almost every other day to make up for the times I'm losing out of the boat and I'm even buying my own road bike (considering the fact that I have a phobia of cycling on the road). If I can't make one thing happen, I'm pretty sure there are other things I can make happen.

I do feel like a little part of me dies everyday I'm not allowed to row but it has reached the point where I just have to stop being sad and start being awesome. There's absolutely no time for us to continue to mope around about something we can't change. Gotta start living, man.

199 days to SEA GAMES 2015.

xx

The OMG-ITS-7-MORE-WEEKS-TO-END-YEAR Goal Review

The problem that we face when we set goals is usually not reviewing them. So let's be a bit more responsible for ourselves and look at how far we've come now that it's already been a month since we set our goals. The mistake that I did when I was setting these goals in October was that, I didn't had a plan on how to go about achieving them. I thought, we could just, you know, #gojer, and do them when we feel like it but some things are not easy as just #gojerdontscared

1. To be able to do 10 chin ups (over hand grip) in one go. (Currently I can do 3, and my PB is 6.)

CURRENTLY I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DO ANY CHIN-UPS. So boo you, pain on the wrist. BOO YOU!

But if your goal is still to attempt a chin-up or to increase the max that you can do, here's one way to train for it:

Perform 100 chin ups in a day.

If you cannot even do one yet: jump and use the momentum to do a chin up and on your way down, extend your arms slowly. Land softly on the ground (so you don't end up hurting you knees!) and repeat the jump and pull!

If you are already able to do a few at one go: Perform the most you can do, rest. Go for your max again. Rest. Set yourself a time limit. Let's say, start with 100 chin ups a day so that you can divide it into probably 50 in the morning and 50 in the evening. And as you get better, push yourself a bit more to 100 in an hour. In the event that you cannot do anymore because your arms are filled with lactic you think it might fall apart anytime soon, do an assisted chin-up. Get a friend to carry your feet, or use the assisted chin-up machine in the gym.

Don't forget to stretch and be prepared for ridiculously sore arms and lats.

2. To be able to do a handstand. (I cannot even brave myself to stand on my hands with my feet on a wall!!!)

AGAIN. BOO YOU, WRIST!!!! :'(

But I know when my wrist is okay, I have friends who will be teaching me how to do a handstand YAY! ^^

3. To run a 10km in 40mins. (The last time I did an official 10k race was in 2012 with a timing of 52mins without any training.)

To achieve this target, I've been doing 400m and 800m pieces at my target speed which is 4mins/km (target speed) and boy, did I feel like I was sprinting through the pieces! #howliddat?

4. To be able to pull a distance of 7510m in 30mins on the rowing machine. (Current personal record was 7503m set in Feb 2014.)

Current personal record 7518m WOOTS ^^

5. To run a half marathon. (The longest official run I did was the Urbanathlon last year of 14km.)

SIGNED UP FOR STANDARD CHARTERED ON 7 DEC WOOHOO! 1:30hr pacer needed!

Found some training programmes online and it goes something like this:

Monday 4km

Tuesday Fartleks/Hill Sprints/400m/800m

Wed 5km

Thurs 10km

Fri 7kn

Sat 4km

Sun 15km

Roughly 50km-60km a week depending how lazy I am.

Before I signed up for this half-marathon, my runs are an hour long but I can tell you for sure that running for more than an hour can be mentally draining (not sure if this is what the runners call "hitting the wall"- but don't laugh if I think it is because I'm not a runner okay) and I have absolutely no idea how these regular marathoners run so much.

(They must be wondering how we clock 100km of rowing every week too I guess. GAAAAH DONT TALK ROWING TO ME!!!)

6. To be able to do a 6mins plank. (Did a 6mins last year. Once.)

Did an 8mins plank.

SEALED THE DEAL, BABY!

Tip to achieve this: do it with a group of competitive people under the watch of someone who will spot every hump when you lift your butt too high or every dip that forms when you are not pushing your upper back towards the ceiling.

7. To do 10 pistol squat on each leg unassisted. (Currently can manage 10 but with assistance.)

IN PROGRESS.

Haven't really been doing any pistol squats lately. BOO YOU, AISYAH! I'll start today.

8. To be able to swim 5 laps along the pool without rest. (Now I will be happy to finish 1 lap without rest.)

AM NOT ABLE TO SWIM WITH THE WRIST but hopefully splint comes off next week!

9. To be able to sit on the bike for 2 hours without rest. (Most number of minutes I sat in the stationary bike was 90.)

Not brave enough to do this yet. But I am purchasing a road bike soon, hopefully that will help me achieve this goal.

Tip to achieve this: this one, really, a perfect case of don't think just do.

10. To get back into doing Bikram Yoga.

After the splint goes off, I AM READY FOR YOU 40 DEGREES ROOM AND 26 POSES!

---

2 out of 10 goals achieved in a month.

4 goals put on hold because of the wrist.

4 goals in progress.

I'd say, things are looking pretty good at this point, although time is running short and this wrist thing is killing me. I guess that it's only right for me to look at the things I can do instead and work on them.

(I told you I have this insane ability to make the bad things seem pretty good in some way.)

Ciao

xx

Life Lessons from a Splint

Honestly, I don't even remember the last time I was injury-free. First there was the ribs, then the back, then the shoulders, then now the wrist. Really? Is this what its like to be a professional athlete? Is this normal? It worries me so much that I'm always having to see the doctor, go for X-rays, get MRI scans done, go for physio and rehab sessions, having consultations that cost a bomb, getting friendly with tapes and bandages and now a splint. It scares me that here I am putting my job on hold, saying no to a few thousand dollars in the bank every month, rejecting a safe and secured future, to take on a career not many individuals would risk doing, chasing a dream that seems so far-fetched, only to see my body not cooperating, only to be disappointed by my own self. Is this really what a professional athlete goes through? Or is it just me? Is it just my body being weak, not used to being pushed all the time? Is it just my imagination creating all these injuries? Is it just excuses I make up to earn the rest I think I deserve?

Do you know how painful it is to wake up every single day not being able to row? How hard it is to swallow down everything that the doctor tells me and what my coaches want me to do or in fact what not to do- which usually is harder for me to accept? How numb I've become to people telling me NO YOU CANT DO THIS and NO YOU'RE NOT FIT ENOUGH FOR THIS and YOU'RE TOO HEAVY? How unfair I think life is throwing me all these crap that makes my life so goddamn difficult when all I want to do is train and win. That's just it. Train and win. Am I making the life of another being hard if all I want to do is to train?

I know if you could, you'd want to give me one good slap right now. I know I should be grateful that I'm living the dream. I am given this chance to make my dreams become reality and the govt, companies, individuals are investing in me because they believe in me and here I am complaining about how tough life is and how it sucks to be injured. How ridiculous can Aisyah be? 

I don't need you to come up to me and give me a pat on my shoulder to tell me to stay strong. I don't need your pity that my arm is in a splint and that I can't row for another week or two and my life is a misery every single day that I can't row.

In fact, I'm telling you all these because I know that sometimes you think your life sucks too and sometimes you just want to give up and let go of everything you've worked hard for. Sometimes, you don't see a purpose to hang on to your goals anymore. Sometimes, shit happens and do what you want but shit is gonna happen and it might just happen right in front of your doorstep. Sometimes, the results don't really correlate with the effort you've put in. Sometimes, you just want to hide under your blankets and stay there until the storm passes. Sometimes, you wonder how some people can be so happy and positive all the freaking time. Sometimes, the grass always seems greener on the other side (wait, the grass ALWAYS seems to be greener on the other side). Sometimes, you just don't know why you're even alive.

So, so what if I know that you think life sucks too? Why did I spend the last 10 minutes whining about how awful my life is right now and yet hoping that you don't feel sorry for me? Why am I not the smiley, happy, positive-thinking Aisyah you see on your FB news feed every other minute or so? Because I'm human too. And I do feel sad and disappointed. I do lose motivation sometimes, honestly there are even days when I wake up not wanting to train because I do get lazy. I do have that little voice inside of me that keeps on whispering mean and nasty things to me that I don't want to hear like how tired I am and how it's okay if I skip a training because my coach would not know anyway. I do tell myself that I'm fat (and some of you might just be like ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DID YOU JUST SAY THAT? and roll your eyes at me) but to the eyes of my coaches, I am fat. My body fat percentage is ridiculously high for a lightweight rower.

What do I want to achieve out of telling you my deep dark secrets of being a lazy, whiny human being?

I just want the world to know that everyone has their bad days, or weeks, or months, or even a bad year (omg, tell me about having a bad year!). And that no matter how hard our lives seem to be, there will be someone out there having it harder, and still surviving, so there should be absolutely no reason for us to give up on something just because it seems hard to achieve. And when we've overcome our bad moments, if we have the chance to, we help others get out from their stormy days. When I feel like the world is crumbling down on me, other than seeking solace from God, I turn to people who I believe have gone through similar situations. That's why with this injury thing that I'm facing, stories of other athletes having to overcome injuries and coming out of them winning medals (and even becoming an Olympic champion) give me hope that everything will be okay. When I broke my nose last year, I read about the cyclist, Dinah Chan, who met with an accident a few months before the SEA Games and how she sprung back into training. And we both eventually became Gold medallists. When I won that Gold, (I hope) I gave light to those who feel like no one believes in them to achieve their dreams- because the only belief you need is the belief in yourself (which sounds terribly cheesy but is so true, I swear by it).

(I'm also telling you all these because I may be smiling in my selfies with my splint but deep down inside, all I want to do is throw this splint out of the car and drive over it so I don't have to see it ever again.)

So yea, back to my injury. Basically it's just a minor tear on a cartilage on my wrist and something about my bones rubbing against each other. It doesn't sound as bad as it looks so don't worry, I'm doing fine. It sucks to know that I can't row while it's recovering but with the great increment in the amount of time I spent running, it serves as a good training for my half marathon race this December. And with the immense numbers of hours I spend on the bike, I am sub-consciously mentally training myself not to go crazy.

(I love how my mind has the ability to see the good out of something bad. That's why I believe that it's a gift for me to make the world a better place to live in. I love how I think I can change the world too. HAHAHA.)

With that whole lot of rant, I hope people realise that life is full of shit and we've already got enough shit from life the last thing we want to do is add on to the shit in others' lives. BE NICE TO EACH OTHER. Amen.

The Bircher Muesli- my favourite breakfast

I'm currently obsessed with this yummy power-packed breakfast. The best thing about this dish is that you can practically change the ingredients to your liking and it's so easy to make. You can trust me on the simplicity of preparing this dish because I am the laziest person on the face of the Earth when it comes to cooking, I can assure you on that.

So here's how you make The Bircher Muesli

Mix:
1 cup of rolled oats
1 Granny Smith apple- grated (or any types of apple will do, or I used pear in this photo because I was out of apples haha)
Some spoonfuls of plain yoghurt
1/2 cup of apple juice (I used apple yoghurt drink here cuz I love the pear bits it has)
1 dash of ground cinnamon

Put it in the fridge for an hour or overnight.

In the morning:

Add a handful of blueberries, raisins and cranberries and almond slices and pumpkin seeds and mix them well, mix them good, mix them like you know you should! (LOL!)

(You can also add any types of berries, bananas, walnuts, Brazil nuts, honey, or (my fave) figs)

An awesome fuel for my training and good for a recovery meal as well. Yay.