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I was meant to upload a blog post about how excited I was for the Commonwealth Regatta but due to unforeseen circumstances (UGH!) I am not going for it.
When I heard the news that I won't be going to Glasgow, I was actually pretty cool about it. I remembered my coach sitting on the gym bench and I was doing my stretches on the floor, and I was like, okay, maybe it is okay if I can't go. Maybe it's the best option for me.
And then we had a normal discussion about our Plan B. Everything seemed to be under control.
Or so I thought.
And then I went home and the news started to sink in.
And I cried so hard my eyes actually hurt.
And then I thought about how much I wished I had a shoulder to cry on at that moment, but all I had was my pillow. And it made me cry even harder.
#likeababy
But I am not ashamed to tell the world that I cried like one. Because I was in so much pain. I was so hurt, so frustrated, disappointed, I felt so down and miserable, all I wanted to do was to hide under my blankets for the rest of my life.
Within minutes (I'm sure I didn't cry for hours- I think), I got out of bed and went for a run.
And everything went back to normal.
If in doubt, run, they say.
When I stopped running, I felt miserable again.
But you can't run forever, can you?
And then Hari Raya came. And I was expecting to cry buckets because I'm spending it here alone but I didn't. Maybe I was out of tears from the excessive crying from a few days back. Or maybe because I got to spend it with my relatives whom I finally found living in Sydney (yay! first piece of good news!)
So I've been spending lots of time over at Eastwood where my aunt, her husband and daughter lives. My 6 year old adorable cousin has been such a sweetie and her presence just makes all the gloomy-moominess go away. Also, I started baking again (first time baking after like a year) which feels so, damn good. There is just something about baking that makes it so therapeutic. I got hooked. I baked cheesesticks, honey joys, brownies, chocolate chip cookies and I wanted to go on to bake cheesecakes, scones, macaroons and biscuits but I would save it for another time.
It feels like home whenever I'm over at my aunt's. We had rendang, sayur lodeh and ketupat as well as chili prawns and chili crab! Last night, we had gado-gado. How exciting! Although when my coach reads this, he's going to go berserk! But it's Raya, coach! Just one day. or two. I kid, I kid. I mean, I paid $200 to see a dietician, I better listen to her advice, no?
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Now that Commonwealth Regatta has been put out of the way, I don't know what else to look forward to. As much as I am excited about the Asian Games, I wish 7 weeks will pass really slowly because there is so much to do within these 7 weeks. It's gonna be hectic, but I guess, we should treasure whatever comes our way! Like waking up everyday knowing that I can row- it is just one of the best feelings in the world right now and I am glad I have made the choice to turn professional.
Although it is really hard to be here alone sometimes (and yes, despite the smiling selfies and gorgeous photos that you see on my Instagram and FaceBook), it just feels different when you're away from home. Yes, #idontwannagohome cuz Sydney is so beautiful and life seems almost perfect here as a rower, and I should be used to it because I've done this for many, many months. But I guess, they're right, there's no place like home.
Unless of course, people at home move over here in Sydney, then life would be oh-so perfect.
But no, life doesn't work that way.
7 weeks. Let's do this.
