The Asian Games is finally here.
I am actually in Korea, waiting for the big day to come. Shit just got real. I
don’t know which is worse, the race itself or the days leading up to the race.
These are the kinds of days that make you wonder, “Why did I choose this path
again? Why did I not listen to the world and lead an ordinary life where job
interviews or probably end year work appraisals make you worried the most? WHAT
DID I PUT MYSELF INTO?”
It is scary, as much as I try to
tell myself that it is not, it is.
It is definitely beyond nerving to
be the only athlete in the whole of Asia representing Singapore here. Asia,
mind you. Asia.
When I thought being the only
rower at last year’s SEA Games was bad enough, at least in Myanmar, I was
staying in the Games Village where I was surrounded by fellow Team Singapore
mates. I had people to talk to other than my coach, things to do to take my
mind off rowing once in a while. Now I am staying in a sub-Games Village, 2.5hrs
away from everyone else. There is absolutely nothing in the village except for
a small convenient store which is as wide as my wingspan. I do bid the occasional
his and byes to the athletes from the other countries, but that’s just about
it. It is so far, when I needed to see the physio, she travelled a total of 5hours
just to see me for an hour, and she spent 90% of the time looking at my back
and hair instead of my face. HAHA. But I gotta remind myself what I’m here for:
to show Asia what a Singaporean girl is made of.
What am I made of?
But then again, SO WHAT? So what
if I’m alone here? Being alone doesn’t give me a reason to row slower or doesn’t
make me any weaker. It doesn’t put me in any disadvantage at all! In fact, it
gives me a sense of pride and honour to be the only Singaporean out there on
the water everyday. It makes me secretly feel a tad awesome or two (well, not
so secret anymore). But yeah, it’s not sad being the only athlete anymore. I’ve
gotten over being sad. I’m so used to being alone already having to thrive in
Sydney on my own. I think being alone here is a privilege. Yay.
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| Athlete's Sub-Village at Chungju |
I found out that Mio won’t be
telecasting my race, but it’s okay, because they better be when I’m racing in
Singapore in June. They better.
Again, I shall remind myself that
nothing will rattle me at this point of time.
Life for the past week has
literally been eat, sleep, row. It has become such a routine that sometimes I
wonder if my heart and brain are functioning because things happen to be on auto-pilot
mode. In exactly a week’s time, the daily grind of training, eating very little
in order to make weight for my race and sleeping because there is nothing else
to do out here will be over. But of course, I shouldn’t be thinking too far
ahead. I’m taking in one day at a time, one session after another. I wake up
everyday, feeling blessed to be here. Look at how far I’ve come. I was reading
through my old blog posts about how the SEA Games cycle has repeated itself for
4 times (i.e. 2005, 2007, 2011 and 2013) and now I have a new addition to the
cycle of major events and I AM ACTUALLY HERE RIGHT NOW.
Talking about old blog posts, oh
how I love reading about those days when I whine and gripe every single day
about how much I dislike work and wish I am a full-time athlete.
I guess it’s really true that
dreams do come true :)
--
So, I’m racing on Sunday at
1050am Korean Time (which is 950am SG Time).
It’s really interesting how I
reckon I’ve raced at least a hundred times in my life yet I still feel nervous
as hell for every single race! It definitely doesn’t get easier, but it’s good
to know that harder competition means you’ve just unlocked the next level as a
rower! If it was easy, everybody will do it!
THIS IS GONNA BE PRETTY EXCITING. WOOHOO.
I think I was born to do this.
xx
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| Sunset at the race venue |
