It's one of those days

 

Everyday I wake up takes me one day closer to the Asian Games.

 

The other day, when it was raining buckets in the morning, I didn't just wake up and got ready for training, but I woke up at 4:45am, not giving a thought about snoozing or going back to bed, cold as hell, shivering to my bones from the 7 degrees weather (which weatherman said it feels like 1 degree, which I cannot agree more) and I actually had the mental capacity to even think about something I posted on Facebook the night before- AT 4:45AM YES. And it got me to not only get out of bed but I literally sprung out of bed.

 

"I do question why I am doing it, quite frequently. Partly, it is just seeing how good I can get. And also an intrinsic desire not to let the pain beat me. With this sport you have a long-term goal: Four years to the Olympics. If you commit, to give up halfway would be failure, admitting you are not good enough, that you have been beaten," says 2 times Gold medallist in the Olympics, Andrew Triggs Hodge from Team GB.

 

I was ready to conquer the cold, the rain, the water and the world.

 

And then I realised, everyday I wake up, it not only takes me closer to the Asian Games, but also the SEA Games next year, and eventually the Olympics.

 

It seems like a long way to go, but hell no, we know 2 years is not long.

 

Two years.

 

--

 

And then there were the days when it was almost perfect conditions to row, like today. 8 degrees (a bit chilly but it was okay). Very little wind. By the time we got our boats on water, the sun was already out, keeping us warm, making it "just right". It couldn't have been any better than this.

 

And then, when you start doing the pieces, your brain started to wander away. You thought about how hot and humid it will be like back in Singapore. You thought about how strong your competitors are and you start to get worried when the race is 6 weeks away. Your mind flicked back to the piece you were doing. Your boat is not moving as fast as it should be. Your legs are burning and it is only 2 minutes into the piece and you have 27mins more to go. Your back feels tired. You were suddenly thinking about how to breathe properly. Your lungs hurt from trying to gasp for air more than you needed to. You were so slow during the piece if you were the coach, you'd throw an oar at your rower. I'm quite surprised my coach didn't actually do that.

 

I was so awful today, I actually cried because I sucked.

 

And then, I stopped crying and started thinking. I told myself that crying wasn't gonna help. My unglamorous face with tears streaming down wasn't gonna make the boat move any faster. My coach is not gonna take pity on me (hell no) and no way is he gonna send me back (and even if he did send me back, I have to row the course back). And I got reminded of what my teammate, Rowena, said: Survival of the Strongest.

 

Only the strongest will survive this game, Aisyah.

 

And then my brain switched on and on the second piece back home, I went strong and fast. My legs were tired, my lungs did hurt, but being tired from pulling hard is heaps better than being tired from being slow and weak.

 

My coach reminded me that we are short of time right now and every single training session matters and I have to give it my all for every session. Of course, it is easier said than done. And as we all know, we can't have good days everyday. But he is right (isn't he always right? That's why he's a coach). Every. Single. Training. Matters.

 

After training today, Rowena asked me, "What happened? Are you okay?"

 

I said, "It's just one of those days you feel like crap."

 

But this is my job and like your job, there are days when things just don't go right. Like your job, I have to give 100% to each session, but sometimes at 6am, your brain doesn't seem to co-operate you have to slap yourself hard to wake it up. Like your job, I have targets and goals too, and mine are reviewed every single day, with my coach right next to me. It feels like having your boss sitting right next to you at work everyday. Very comforting, I know. But it makes you be on the balls of your feet all the time. It can be tiring, but you know it's good for you.

 

My job doesn't pay me in cash or cheque like yours, but it gives me the satisfaction of knowing that I'm one step closer towards making my dreams become reality. I may whine about almost everything  but there is never a day that goes by without me being so grateful I chose this path. Sometimes, shit happens and I wonder why I'm doing this, like today. Sometimes, life can be sad and miserable and awful and it makes me want to give up on my dreams and go home. But like PMS-filled days, they will pass. Like today, today will pass and it will be better tomorrow.

 

--

 

And to end it in a lighter note, I have shifted out of James and Annie's to rent a room near Manly beach (which is so awesome because I love Manly) and am staying with a single mum with 2 amazing daughters. It was pretty exciting looking for a home, I must say. I went for several house inspections which was scary at first because you have to step out of your comfort zone knocking on doors of strangers and walking around their houses- I have a Pros and Cons list for the houses I visited, how cool is that! Some houses were really close to the beach like I could do a standing board jump and I'm on the sand, but my friends advised me about the people I'm staying with which actually matters the most, although you are more likely to think about how nice the house is and its proximity to the beach or the training centre or the city. And another thing that I had to consider was whether I want to come home to a family, or to a single guy/girl who would mind his/her own business and I chose the former. Also, since I'm driving Lizzi's car at the moment, I got myself a parking permit. At the rate I'm going, maybe I should just live here permanently and find an Aussie husband, no? HAHA!

 

Talking about husbands and what nots. My girlfriend just got married and I totally missed her beautiful wedding. And with that being said, I also missed the dinner with some ministers and the President, on top of not being at home for Eid.

 

And a wise guy said to me, "What is more important? Chasing your dreams or making theses people happy?"

 

And still on this topic of husbands (are we still on it?), the radio DJ said, "sometimes we're single at the wrong time." And it made me sad a little, because what she said was followed by Sigma's:

 

I know you're tired of loving, of loving
With nobody to love, nobody, nobody

 

And then I felt stupid for feeling sad because life is awesome the way it is now. So shut up, Sigma.

 

xx